melancholic


I’ve been so melancholic lately. Drifting back in a year before time. Sitting under the shade calculating my pre-devastated future. Questioning myself about relevancy living my spare life.

Sitting at the point of no return is painful. Trying hard to collect the pieces. Exhausted! deserted! Overwhelming by sorrow. Wish that i live in the flicker, at least i would make sure,i’ll get the happy ending.

Gosh! whining!… What a life of mine. so frustrated. Have to live with this feeling for century to come… or at least as long as i breath in. Guilty for life. Hopeless. It is indeed, an assassination of human soul whom dreaming for venerable life.

Sigh!!!!

The more i think about that, the more my mind become inured to. The more i believe that i am cruel, heartless and deserved to be thrown into the eternal flames. It is a compassion fatigue. A struggle of a man to be a good son deceptive by his own mind. Deceiving himself. Procrastinating the truth. dying of ‘ life vitamin’ deficiency. End up Dry and faded. Essentially Empty and hollow. This is me…..

Yes, indeed i had a lifted spririt kind of pillow talk with several i knew. Giving me support and push me to move on. Saying that I will never had a travel back in time journy to reactify everything. Things happened. It has been written. He (Allah) concluded the situation. They said, your job is to ‘redha’. Urged me to let her go. .

Thanks you.. appreciated that. Thanks to those who lend their ears and offer their shoulder for me to cry on. Again, i appreciate that, so much.

Gosh!

perpetrated sin against purified soul. Never intended to profane. I just wanted to say… lesson learned… too well learned… and the withered hope waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. .

I pray… and I pray hard. O Allah… please take care of her. Please take care of me.

“Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadahku, hidup dan matiku.. lillah hirabbilalamin…

Jazakallah.

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